Start the Journey One Step at a Time
/Start the Journey One Step at a Time
by Caroline North
This fall has been a season of journeys for me. I’m sure everyone can relate at one time in their life or another. Journeys that are physical, like our sobering endurance ride in Virginia. Journeys that are spiritual, like my yoga training at the Kripalu School of Yoga. Journeys that are mental, like getting laid off my ‘day job’ after 20 years of employment with them. I admit, I became a bit lost…but then found my way again.
Each journey has its own path and cycle unique to it, full of challenges and emotions, but they all follow a similar pattern. When I view these trips as a glimpse into a ‘Practice’ of awareness, presence, and compassion, it’s much easier to take the steps you need to. Horsemanship is at the center of it all for me personally, so I will share a little journey I took just last week with my horse Glorfindel.
After having a confluence of major life events happen in rapid succession, I just wanted to get out and spend time with my horse. I was feeling overwhelmed, and a trail ride with my equine partner was just the ticket. He would help me process things whether I was aware of it or not. (I was aware, and was fully prepared to accept the consequences he suggested, even if it meant not riding at all).
Our first step was loading up to go ride. Tack stowed, sun shining, excitement building, I wondered if Glory would even load up nice, or was he still mad at me for leaving him for a week prior (when I got home from yoga training, oh boy did the entire barn herd let me know it wasn’t cool to leave them so long...).
Glory jumped in the horse trailer almost running me over, as if to say, ‘It’s about time you got your priorities straight!' Step one on the path. I pondered his clear enthusiasm and was able to release the guilt I felt at leaving them for so long. I owned the feeling and let it go. One step.
At the trail, we tack up and start at a nice leisurely walk to loosen up, and soon Glory’s excitement at being out and about was a physical feeling. Seasoned horsemen call this ‘feeling fresh’. This freshness is not easy to ride sometimes, especially after a 2-week period of not being in the saddle. My body wanted to take it slow and easy, but Glory felt as if he was walking on air and could take off at a joyful gallop at any moment, whether I wanted to or not.
Here is a fork in the path of the journey: Do I shut him down and force him to chill out (dominance)? If I do that, I will close the door of co-creation between us. I will protect my body and my mind. I will remain stuck, and he will build up his energy and probably release it in a way not safe or desirable to either of us (maybe in a buck or a spin when I am least aware).
Or do I release him with abandon and let him run and just hold on for dear life (follow his lead)? Do I just say hell with it all and escape into perceived release? A temporary high that just covers up the personal baggage and never dives deep?
OR do I have a third option?
I take a breath and delve into his joy. I keep enjoying his enthusiasm as a friend, and partner. I become super present to the trail, sun shining, the leaves crunching under hooves, of critters skittering around. I keep breathing. He keeps breathing. We both meet in the middle, and both decide to stay with each other’s feelings for a while, fully accepting any and all outcomes. My overwhelmed and taxed emotional self rests in this presence (I name it Divine Truth) and be in his world, while he felt my breath, my stuck stiff physical body (stuck emotions live in stuck connective tissue) and simply kept walking, letting me breathe and loosen and release.
As we are physically moving forward on a trail, we are both moving forward toward Truth. The enormity of his equine gifts and skills in navigating this super presence threaten to overwhelm my mind, body, and spirit. I become afraid of all the changes and commitments put behind me and before me. The uncertainty of the future, the self-doubt of being good enough to accomplish my goals, it all came rushing in an instant. ‘What if I’m NOT good enough?’ The sun kept shining, and I let it go. Those doubts are not my story. I am whole. We are all full of love. Our horses know this of course, they certainly wish we could see it better.
I breathed. Glory kept going. I owned the fear, recognized it, and saw it through the perception of Glory’s movement. Keep walking. Keep breathing. Keep accepting. Keep letting go. And what is left is compassion. With that compassion firmly in mind (this whole crisis happened in less than 30 seconds), I thought to Glory, ‘Let’s trot up the hill’.
He joyfully picked up speed and my body melted with his motion, so we moved as one. His powerful muscles gave MY muscles the courage and tone to keep riding the path. In this awesome state, we finished our lovely short ride. We played with speed; we loosened up. We co-created as partners and danced. After about 4 miles we wound up back at the horse trailer. I felt he could go on longer, and wanted to, but this seemed like a good resting place to me. He agreed that would be a smart play too, seamlessly moving on to grazing, as horses are so adept at. So, we stilled our movement on the path. Stopped to graze and integrate our journey.
I found clarity and courage to transition to the ride home and the events and challenges ahead of me. We loaded up for home and I let go of the whole ride, knowing that we can find this co-creative state again. Traveling complete, he gets to go graze. I get to go do human things like plan and write.
Step by step on the grand journey of life.
